i think i have a dreamer’s heart. i can’t remember a day in the past few years where i have not been longing for something.

if i’m not longing for one thing, its another.

i’m not really sure what to do about it, because in a way it feels like a curse. life feels harder to be content with. there is always something brewing underneath the surface, and a dream or a desire that pervades my every thought and emotion throughout the day.

i don’t know that this longing and trusting are mutually exclusive, but at times i feel that i can’t do both. and even when i choose to trust that things will be okay or that my life is being taken care of by the Lord, the next day i am once again overwhelmed with strong emotion. the object in question does not leave me when i am sleeping being that i have such vivid dreams.

i think and write all my ideas with being content and not believing that the grass is greener on the other side, but deep longing is a daily “struggle” of mine. i say struggle because often it renders me melancholy and has the ability to steal my joy.

to go. to do. to see. to be with.

i’ve been told that there is no hope without longing. so what will it take to turn the unhealthy longings into beautiful truths?

(painting inspired by misty mawn)